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Feb. 9th, 2014 | 01:37 pm

At this point of my life I just feel incredibly uneasy. Like I can't sit still. I need to get out to somewhere and just go away. I am constantly shaking my legs when I sit down, it gets pretty terrible and vigorous that I get yelled at by people. But the thing is, I don't even realise I'm doing it. Like how you don't realise when you're daydreaming or zoning out. It's kinda bad. I can't focus. I'm writing this down so that when this point of my life has passed, I can look back and remember. Remember how my heart feels like it's thumping like crazy all the time, and as if my lungs is out of air. How I'm constantly looking out the window and how I wish mornings on the weekends won't ever end. This makes doing my job particularly difficult. My mind drifts.

I can't lie. I'm counting down the days. I think the next time I get into a situation where I have to commit myself to something, I shouldn't do it. But I've been psyching myself up, like this point in my life is good for me and it's not too bad. I keep telling myself, I should be really grateful, and I am, like some people are having it worse. So I guess it's all in the state of mind. I tell myself these things. Sometimes it works, I buy my own stories. Sometimes, the heart beats louder. It's a cycle.

So I'm counting down the days when the opportunity to get out of this cycle is there. I'll take it. I'm not gonna tell anyone.

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